And also, me.

The words to describe how I feel about this election are far beyond what I can muster today, after a night with little sleep. I am in complete disbelief. I feel physically ill. That this man and his insults and injuries, his bigoted policies, his outlandish lies is electable. I am grieving that half of my fellow countrymen decided that either his policies were great or his offenses were defensible. Either side of that equation is incomprehensible to me.

The past 12 months have been stupid emotional when I recount it all. I have dealt with domestic abuse of a family member, an exhausting pregnancy and miscarriage, a protracted and bitter fight with another family member, and some teenage antics that veer into the realm of personal harm. All of them viscous and taxing from a mental health standpoint for me. But honestly, this election cycle and this spectacular resolution totally ranks among the worst for me. It is more than I can carry and need desperately to find a way to set it down.

Teaching week apocalypse

I've been off the blogging train for a few weeks due to some epicly stressful personal events that I won't write about here. I'm struggling again with using a public medium to journal my thoughts. Because other people are involved, I don't always feel comfortable making the decision to disclose. Anyway, it has been one one of the most trying months of my adult life.

Enter election night and the nightmare that has unveiled. Teaching today has been so very difficult. It is the second worse day I have faced professionally. (It is thankfully second by a long shot.) There are so many of my students that are affected in a very real, very personal way by the election of Donald Trump. I have really struggled to maintain my composure at various points in the day. As have some of my students.

My greatest worry (for my students, the list of worries for myself, my daughters, and my fellow humans is longer) is that students will disappear from school because they fear deportation. The supreme court (at least currently) has guaranteed asylum at public schools for undocumented immigrants, but perception and fear are strong forces. How are they not expected to believe the man that has been threatening to deport them for months now? Students that do not get even the most basic education have such a small chance of being healthy contributing members of society. The path to shadow economies and crime opens wider.

Personally, I feel so disappointed today in my country. Minority poor kids are tragically accustom to being marginalized and dismissed. They know they have way bigger hurdles to face than their wealthy white counterparts. And yet they on a daily basis laugh, they shine, they climb. And this feels like we have failed them. These kids have been sent a message and it has been received loud and clear. They deserve so much more.