And Christmas

2014/12/27

My relationships with the camera has significantly changed in the past few years. My girls both protest to loathe pictures and I've moved into more of a present focused mode where I don't constantly think about documenting things. The result is fewer pictures and it's hard to say whether I'm ultimately at peace with that. But once or twice a holiday I put on my firm mommy voice and demand that my girls pretend for the camera that we're all happy and enjoying ourselves. Which was most certainly true before I made my request but not after. I can't decide if my favorite picture is Tessa's hidden protestation in the second picture or the gingerbread shot where Haley had to force-ably grab her face so she'd stop hiding behind her hands. So true to form.

It was a lovely holiday. Food, family, pajamas, and of course more food. Good times. Tessa requested gobs of art supplies and has been hiding in her room drawing ever since. Sylvie wanted all things Sims and has become even more of a screen zombie if that's even possible. What happened to my girls that wouldn't let me have a moment's peace to myself?




Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is always made better for a larger table. My loveliest of sisters and her baby whom I try my hardest not to kidnap came and made our holiday so much better. Their visits are never long enough.








Here

It's been so long since I've felt able to write here. One good measure of the explanation is that I am stretched thin and my free hours are spent more in the vein of recuperation and vegetation than productivity or creativity. (Yeah, yeah, that old excuse again.) But the other part is the fact that my experiences have been difficult to articulate and felt intensely private, not easy to divulge by way of keyboard. That's not to say that I've been in a bad place. Difficult is not the same thing as painful in this instance. But now I'm just being obtuse.

The short version is that Dave and I have divorced. Amicable but certainly. I am seeing someone seriously, his name is Nathan, and he is wonderful and amazing and I am crazy in love. Also, I am having questions and doubts and concerns about my faith and am smack dab in the messy middle of sorting that out. It's a lot.

None of this is as new or sudden as it feels when I write it here for the first time. Years in the making truthfully. Nor are they necessarily related or connected except in the fact that they are large moments in my life that it's taken me some good time to be ready to share here. I've tried to organize my thoughts dozens of times in order to explain things here, keep my written personal history in tact. But now I don't feel the urge to rationalize or articulate at all. Perhaps reasons will leak out in fits and spurts, but I just don't feel the desire to lay it out end to end. So I'll just pick up where I'm at and carry things forward as I can.

I am well. So happy and well.