Sick and Tired and Mediocre


I have been sick this week and it has added a whole new dimension to teaching that I could have lived without. I did take a half day off on Thursday, but really needed more than that. Insert here copious whining and complaining about how hard it has been. I bore myself.

It came at a not so great time emotionally for me and served as one more example of the epic mediocrity that I'm wading through. I feel like I am thoroughly mediocre in every aspect of my life right now. Not an easy pill to swallow for a girl who likes to think she's got her life together. I feel like I am doing bare minimum or worse in each of my roles. I am a mediocre teacher, mother, friend, daughter, wife, congregation member, neighbor, you name it. And even worse, I just don't see another path through it. It's just a function of the resources available to me right now. Despite my whining, I'm not even overly upset about it. I am even mediocre at giving a damn right now.

Part of my sour mood is also a function of this stupid cold and the fact that I haven't been able to exercise for almost a week. Always makes me depressive. There are two things keeping me going right now. First, the lovely weather outside and the promise of a run when my cough goes away. Please be soon! And second and even bigger, the promise that Thanksgiving is coming soon and the prospect of five lovely days with nothing to think of other than my family, friends, and pie. Please, please come soon!


Denise said...

My dear friend, we are all too hard on ourselves, but you are definitely being too hard on yourself. You are far from mediocre! You just have very high expectations of yourself. Give yourself a chance. Remember you are a daughter of God--full of purpose and promise. You are a fabulous mother and friend! I can vouch for both. You were a master at your previous job and have only been a teacher for a few months! Give yourself a chance to grow! I love you! Hope you are feeling better this week! :-)

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